One of my fascinations as a Psychologist is the experience of falling in love. It is an experience that releases the most wonderful feelings such as excitement, passion, joy, that warm butterfly feeling in your tummy whilst at the same time causing angst, envy, despair and even hate.
What happens when seemingly out of nowhere someone walks into our life and bang! There is chemistry, electricity, our minds become consumed by thoughts of that person, it feels magical, mysterious…the “Right Person” has finally come into our lives…and we feel plunged into a somewhat delusional state of happiness, intertwined with hope for the future. What tends to follow is a period of play, bursting with excitement about when you are seeing that person next, tense because you cannot consume enough of the other and overwhelmed by the desire.
What is really going on here? If falling in love is a common experience for many people, how else do we need to understand it? What is the meaning? Can it have any value to explore it deeper? Can there be any clues to help one avoid the pitfalls that beset the path of a man or woman in love? (Johnson, 2010). My other interest naturally stems from being a woman, who has felt the intensity of those feelings, the pain of heartache when a relationship has ended…thinking my life is over..I am of course never going to feel that way again! As a psychological therapist I sit opposite others feeling the depth of their pain as they have lost hope, their sense of self, fantasies about the future taken by the other and the anxiety and depression relating to the irretrievable love that has been lost. Johnson (2010) asks and I echo her question, is falling in love pathology or ecstasy? Does it only lead to pain or can it lead to happiness?
There are explanations and theories provided by Depth Psychology, Biology, Anthropology and the Neurosciences. Theology and religion also offer accounts, and each has something to offer in terms of supporting us to understand the different facets of love, the temporal influences; past, present and future and the multifaceted nature of love which can be both rewarding and destructive. Inspired by Johnson’s (2010) book, “Love: Bondage or Liberation? A Psychological Exploration of the Meaning, Values and Dangers of Falling In Love.” It is my hope, to share some of those theories, in a language that everyone can draw value from and support you in your own quest for love, existing relationships or the relationship you have with yourself. To explore some of the baffling questions that love can pose…Why did he say that? Why did I do that? Why do I do this at the beginning of relationships? Why do I attract the same kind of women/men? Is it really different this time…or a variation on a theme? Why does it always end this way? What is my type…and why? As part of my own journey I am excited to write about themes that may illuminate answers, generate more questions.. turning on the light for some or making the journey more enjoyable for others…yet ultimately to offer a new possibility of relationship to yourself and to others through the gift of awareness. X