What follows is a powerful testimonial from a young man I am working with who has struggled with his appearance since being a young boy. Adopting a father/son relationship towards his younger parts and being caring and compassionate is already beginning to facilitate healing…giving himself what he never had ❤️.
It’s okay not to be perfect. I’m okay with just being okay! In fact it feels like a weight has been taken off my shoulders. Since I can remember I have always prided myself on my appearance, the perception others have of me and how I generally perform in all aspects of my life. I was always seeking absolute perfection, nothing less was acceptable. For me and in particular during my teenage years and period at University I encountered struggles with my appearance, including acne and being over-weight. My acne went and I lost weight which should have been welcome but unwittingly it was the catalyst which led to the voice in my mind that ‘nothing less than perfect is acceptable’. Sadly this mental misconception led to several traumas which have become the bugbears of my mental health issues. Imperfections, whether in my appearance (particularly in relation to my face), in education or in the workplace was not acceptable and would eat away at me and created a self-debilitating mental attitude of ‘not being good enough’. Over the years this manifested itself such that my focus on my work ethic and appearance became an unhealthy obsession which developed into a form of OCD, causing prolonged anxiety and depression. It hasn’t gone away and it is still with me today and I have undergone various forms of CBT during the last ten to twelve years and take medication to address it. It has only been during the current period of therapy with Claire that the penny has finally dropped, and it is work in progress and it is slow but I am getting there and I am seeing noticeable and positive changes. For me thoughts (and in particular intrusive thoughts) play the main role in contributing towards my mental state of mind, it is the thoughts that run away with me and take over my rational / logical side of my brain. Changing the way I respond to my thoughts, being compassionate with myself and creating separate parts within me (see below) has had a profound effect on my mental wellbeing. For me, there are two parts; the part of me stuck in my younger years striving for perfection and the older part of me; the part of me that has experienced the traumas and endured the anxiety and depression, this part of me I call the ‘wise voice’. We speak to each other often and the ‘wise voice’ is the voice that I listen to and ‘wise voice’ is not interested in my thoughts or feelings, it takes an objective view and is only interested in facts. It’s a strange concept that our thoughts and feelings are not facts; accepting that has been key in beginning my journey to overcome my intrusive thoughts. Claire recommended a book: Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts (by Martin N. Seif and Sally Winston), which has been very helpful. On a final note, my approach now to dealing with an anxious provoking thought or situation is this; I take myself away from the situation, undertake deep breathing exercises to calm my body down and then engage the rationale side of my brain and allow the ‘parts of me’ (see above) to speak to each other. We have developed a father / son relationship and I’m looking forward to continuing the relationship and the journey of recovery.
❤️❤️❤️